No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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