my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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