im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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