do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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