My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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