You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
