In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
