That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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