No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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