There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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