If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
