I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
