So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
