How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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