I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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