Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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