btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
