It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
