Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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