dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You made out with two different species that night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
