Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
