Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
