Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
