dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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