My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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