i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
