Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
