Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
