LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
