Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
