Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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