Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
