I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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