Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
