and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
