Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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