All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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