i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
