Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
