i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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