Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
