God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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