I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
