She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
