You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
