omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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