Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
