you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
