I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
