i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There are leaves in my underwear?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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