There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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