I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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