...so i touched it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
