Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
