He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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