Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize