I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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