So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
ttyl tear gas
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
