so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
