He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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